The Style Invitational Week 984: (A)nother (b)rilliant
(c)ontest — (d)o (e)nter
By Pat Myers, Friday, August 17, 5:37 PM
A badly coiffed Donald egomaniacally
fired God. (Mary Lou French, Eveleth, Minn.)
None of presidential quality running,
sadly. (Shirley Grossman, McLean)
The contest is, as obvious
from the examples below, to write something whose words begin with consecutive
letters of the alphabet. What’s not obvious is that those examples are
honorable mentions from the last time we ran this contest — in the election
season of 2004. Fortunately for the Invite, Donald Trump’s ego lives on; we
could publish a pretty hefty anthology of Trump jokes from the Invitational’s
almost two decades of existence. This time around, the Empress is going to be
more flexible: You may go backward in the alphabet, and you also may include
“a,” “and” and/or “the” out of order in your entry. You may use compound words
as either one or two words to suit your purposes. And you may continue from Z
on to A and then B, or from A to Z and then Y.
Winner gets the Inkin’
Memorial, the bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second
place receives a classic 18-inch-long rubber chicken (“made of rubber”), the
plucked kind with the stretched-out neck, perfectly appropriate for various
vaudeville gags but probably not for political dinners. Donated by Loser Phil
Frankenfeld.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt, a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after
Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir
Stink for their first ink). E-mail entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 27; results published Sept. 16 (online
Sept. 14). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 984” in
your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees
group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. The alternative headline for the “next
week’s results” line is by Jeff Contompasis.
More honorable mentions from Weeks 967 and 974
The Empress is off on holiday
touring her domain this week, so here’s a chance to share some more results of
two especially fruitful recent contests: In Week 967 we asked you to overlap
two names or phrases into a new term; Week 974 asked for limericks about
particular movies, literature or TV shows.
From Week 967
Bottle cap and gown: Many a
graduate’s attire. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)
Mobile home on the range: A
tepee. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
Nuclear Winter Games: They
feature the three-legged marathon. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)
Tube-topsy-turvy: Wardrobe
malfunction. (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.)
Virgin Atlantickle Me Elmo:
TSA-speak for a passenger who actually enjoys body searches. (Melissa Balmain,
Rochester, N.Y.)
Bite the dust bunny: To be
done in by a lover’s angry spouse after you’re discovered hiding under the bed.
(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va..)
Cheez Whiz-kid: Someone who
can recite all 29 ingredients of the stuff. (Heather Spence, New York, a First
Offender)
Donner party
favors: Gift bags of finger food. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.; Jeff Hazle,
Woodbridge, Va.)
Housing bubble wrap: It’s no
fun at all when it pops. (David Genser, Poway, Calif.)
Nuclear winternet dating:
Armageddonsome.com. (Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)
Fettucine Alfredonut holes:
New from Paula Deen. (Melissa Balmain)
Shotgun marriage of
convenience: Mitt Romney and the NRA. (Nan Reiner)
Rock-and-roly-poly: A reunion
concert of ’60s bands. (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
Murphy’s Law of Gravity: What
goes up will come down at the worst possible time and place. (Christopher
Lamora, Guatemala City)
Village idiot box: TV in a
sports bar. (Mel Loftus, Alexandria, Va.)
Double dutch treat: Skipping
your half of the check. (J.D. Berry, Springfield, Va.)
From Week 974
To the pessimists, “Alien’s”
gore-acts
Are as scary as Thneeds to
the Lorax.
But the optimists say,
“Count your blessings each
day
That no creature bursts out
of your thorax.” (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Fanny Hill was a
woman of pleasure
Whose memoirs I
always will treasure
For giving such
joy
To a curious boy
Of 15 in his room
at his leisure. (Chris Doyle)
A Graduate, lacking ambition,
Was approached with a bold
proposition.
Mrs. R. was the one
Who proved learning is fun,
And she thoughtfully waived
the tuition. (Beverley Sharp)
“The Hunt for Red October”
Captain Ramius fled and was
slandered,
But he stuck to his plan,
never pandered
In this movie of note
That surpasses “Das Boot”
As the new cinematic sub standard.
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills,
Md.)
“The Music Man”
Our young ingenue, lovely
Marian,
Was a pretty but prim town
librarian.
She dreamt of a mate
Who’d be dashing but
straight,
But she fell for a con man
from Gary, IN.
(Kel Nagel, Salisbury, Md., a
First Offender)
“ Sweeney Todd”
It’s a barber’s and baker’s
deceit
In the way they prepared
things to eat:
Though their living was
tough,
They got by well enough
With a system for making ends
meat.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Next week’s results: Week, 980, Feeling Testy,or HR de
HR HR